From My Christmas Conversation with Spirits of the Past, Present, and Future

Vladimir Golstein

– So what’s in store for us in the next year?

– Well, we’ll make Trump win, but we’ll make him so helpless and weak, that he’ll be more than happy to do what he is told. There will be more sanctions around the world, more bullying, more exploitation, more hysterical behavior among Trump’s opponents, more fear-mongering, more genders in need of urgent protection from the dinosaurs who still believe in males or females only. And, last but not least. The next world-peace prize would be awarded to the Obama-Hillary team for setting up a trap and imprisoning Julian Assange – that dangerous heretic and disturber of peace. In the future, dissent is going to be less and less tolerated. We have a special lab, headed by the team of Swedish scientists with Greta at the helm: they are going to prove that Dissent pollutes the atmosphere eighty-seven times more than Obedience. So more and more dissenters will be be captured and recycled into into progressive people of the future, the ones who internalize the latest PC dogmas, embrace all neoliberal state policies, but who – in reward for their model behavior – are allowed to violently protest Evil Trump every week-end. That’s our model citizen of the future: a pussyhatter who pays taxes, supports military interventions, and recycles and consume his own compost after it’s been subjected to thermo-treatment at the local Whole Foods store. And, I believe our hard work at creating such a creature is already paying off.

Vladimir Golstein, a former associate professor at Yale University, is currently Chair of the Department of Slavic Studies at Brown University.